Dating recovering alcoholic first year
I was totally wired after going out on my date and I felt a lot of old stuff come up afterwards.I got through it with help from here, but it was the first time in a long time I felt like drinking for some reason.If I had a Higher Power, it was helping other people and getting out of my head and out of this “me” mentality—the selfishness that you have when you’re a using alcoholic.
Go to the movies, take a walk in the park, go skiing together, but slow down and give the intimacy a chance to develop. According to Milrod, the most important foundation is simply that “sobriety needs to be a priority.I guess I still liked hanging around screwed up people, even if I wasn’t using. I still found something sexy about it.” The Big Book doesn’t specifically state that dating is forbidden in the first year of sobriety, but you’ll hear this suggestion bandied around the rooms plenty of times. Christine Milrod, a sex and life coach in LA, suggests that this is because “many people in recovery have previously used for so long that they have no idea of who they truly are.They need to get to know themselves on a very deep level and enjoy self-acceptance before rushing into a sexual relationship.” She advocates psychotherapy for examining past behaviors and coming into the self-acceptance necessary for entering into healthy relationships.Her rules include avoiding “testing” yourself by going to bars and other places of temptation, no dating those with significantly less time (such as newcomers in the first year)—and, most importantly, don’t fall in love for the first year. “You’re more at risk for obsessive distracting love when you’re supposed to be focusing on your sobriety,” she says.“There’ll be plenty of time in the future for love that’s not mired by codependence.” The problem with alcoholics and addicts, of course, is that rules can often be disregarded and, rather than making the healthy choice, they’ll often opt to stay in a destructive cycle until it gets too painful—until they’re “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Is that what happened to James? I’m not into the ‘Higher Power’ stuff in a religious sense.
The biggest one was that you shouldn't date for your first year of sobriety.